Self love is never selfish
Many of you have asked me for details about buying my first home at 22, so here is the short version.
My ex and I were fortunate enough to live with his parents for a few years while paying little to no rent. During that time we were able to save for a down payment. It was 2015, so homes were much cheaper than they are now. We each put $500 a month into an empty DVD case. Once the money in the DVD case hit 5K we would deposit it into the bank. We did this for two or so years until we came up with 20K. During this time I was working two jobs and going to school. Once we hit 20K we then got a realtor and started the hunt. We were able to find a home within a few months and our offer was accepted. Both of our names went on the mortgage and deed. We were able to pay our mortgage and the bills with no problems.
One day, after being in our home for two or so years, my ex approached me stating that we should refinance to get a better rate that would help us save money. But there was a catch: I would no longer be on the mortgage or deed because of my credit score. Now, I see how much of a red flag this is, but back then I did not. I loved and trusted this man. If he said it was a good call then I believed it was.
So, we refinanced and saved a little bit of money, but our relationship was starting to go south. Not soon after we broke up. I wasn't able to afford the home by myself so we agreed that I would move out and rent with a roommate. I was so mentally drained by this point that I barely thought about our asset, the house. We made the purchase together and made three years of payments. Surely, I am entitled to a piece of the pie?! Unfortunately when I agreed to take my name off the deed and mortgage I also lost any rights and entitlements to our property in his eyes.
Instead of letting him take up any more of my mental space, I settled for a payment of $5000 from him. If I knew what I know now, I probably would have gotten him to buy me out of the house and used that money to invest in my future. But honestly, sometimes the intangible gains outweigh the tangible gains. I knew if I went after him for more money it would have just dragged the relationship out, when I was just so ready to wipe my hands clean and move on. At the time money didn’t matter to me, my health mattered more.
This entire experience taught me so much and helped mold me into who I am today. It taught me the importance of educating yourself. It taught me that you can not rely on anyone but yourself. It taught me the power of self love. It taught me how strong I am. It motivated the hell out of me. It is okay to walk away from a situation that no longer serves you. Walking away from a 12 year relationship was not easy, but I gained so much from going through it. You can either rise from and unfortunate situation or fall, what you choose is up to you.
